The Embarrassing First Day

Today is my first class of Comparative Politics. I was quite nervous about it because I haven’t learned about it in my degree times. I was an International Relations student back then. I was nervous about my friends too, are they going to be very smart? Am I going to be left behind and get lost in the lectures? Things are running in my mind while I’m walking to my faculty until I saw this familiar face when I entered the building.

This man? He’s here? He should be my senior then? But, probably he’s from the other department. Or.... not? He kept walking with his African friend towards the class and I kept walking behind him. Then I realize that I need to look for my class. So I went here and there and I couldn’t find my class. I asked to some student who looked like familiar to the faculty.

“Excuse me, do you know where this class is?”

“It’s right there sister, right behind you, hehe”

God, I think my face turned red. It was so close and I couldn’t find it. I looked like a lazy person who only takes shortcuts by asking people without struggling in first place. I thanked them and entered the class. There were no single female there, and guess who was across the female seat? That man I met in the bus for the first time, my bus coordinator in the PostGraduate (PG) KL Tour. The man who walked in front of me on my way to class. He’s MY CLASSMATE?

In short, the new PG student were given a complimentary “Know Kuala Lumpur” tour before the classes start. It was the initiative from the advanced PG students organization called the Post Graduate Student Society (PGSS). This brother, I think he’s either from India or Bangladesh, was the bus No. 2 coordinator, in which I was in there. Me and my friend used to make fun of him in the bus, copying the way he talks. And there was one embarrasing moment when I was talking to my friend. We were talking about the situation of when a  beginner photographer takes pictures,

 “It is pity for the model when a beginner photographer tried to take picture, the photographer would set the camera for some while and the model has to keep smiling until their teeth dries. Hahaha. Or, until their beards grow and the photographer didn’t even finish setting. Hahaha.”

Then suddenly that brother looked towards us and touching his beard. Maybe I was too loud, I was so embarrassed and clarified to him. “No no no brother, we were not talking about you, really. It was something else.” He turned back and we burst to laugh behind the front chair avoiding him to notice us laughing.

So that was it about that brother. Back to the class. One by one my classmates entered the room. It was dominated by men, out of fifteen there were only six females. We all waited for the Professor to come. He was 30 minutes late. Then he entered. “Assalamu’alaikum”

He’s a Tanzanian who happened to Marry a Malaysian. The way he explain things was so clear. I understand each and every word he said. But I have this habit of losing my focus after some time. He asked “Is there any student here who comes from other department?” I confidently raised my hand. He asked

 “You are from?”

 “International Relations”

“Which means?”

“Means?”

 “You didn’t learn anything about political science? That’s impossible”

 “No Sir, I have, I just haven’t learned comparative politics”

 “International Relations is under political science, you should be a political science student. It’s the same thing, never mind”

I would like to explain further but he continued his introduction of the subject and I was confused. After a while I realized, what he meant was not “what was your bachelor degree?” but “are you all from political science department?” I just realized that this is not Indonesia where only the students from same department could enter. This is International standard university, where student from other department could also join the class. I was so much embarrased and kept thinking that he would point me and notice me the whole semester. Very much! but anyway, I was thankful that he was a very democratic lecturer. I’d probably have a less nervewrecking class with this type of lecturer.

The other embarrasing moment was when we finished the class. One Malaysian girl asked me. “You are Marwah right? Do you know Agus?” “No I don’t. Male? Female?” “Female, she said she has a friend joining this class” “I’m not sure, maybe she knows me and I don’t know her. It used to happen, they know me and I don’t know them. I don’t know where they know me from.” Then suddenly they make faces like “Oh my, she’s over confident. Is she someone famous or what?” I was confused why they make such faces. Just after they left the class I realized Aaaah! I shouldn’t say that. This is not my previous university where people knows me because I was quite well known for my activities in campus. This is a new campus where no one knows you and that you need to watch every single word that comes out from your mouth! You should have said “I’m not sure, I’m bad at memorizing names, maybe if I see her face I will know” now, not only I’m well known for not paying attention to the class, but also full of herself. Uuurgh. I messed my first impression with my classmates!

The last one was when I headed to the library to look for the books that the Professor has suggested. Previously, he suggested the student to read the book references that he gave and we could get it from the library. So I went to the politics section of the library and I happened to see the girl who sat right beside me in class. We did not yet introduced ourselves. She was busy with her phone the whole time and I didn’t get the right timing to ask her for introduction. She was on the same section too. She probably noticed me passing and I hide. I was wondering why am I playing hide and seek with my own classmate? Just if we had spoken in class, maybe the possible situation would be “Oh! You were looking for the same book too? unfortunately, the collection is very limited.” The reality was, I had this thought “maybe she thinks that I’m her competitor. Wanting to be advanced to move than the others, she probably think that she should be aware of me?” Hahaha I don’t know why I keep on having these bad thoughts and keep thinking about it all the time, makes me feel worried of something that could happed which didn’t even happen. I need to get rid of these thoughts. I think it’s a desease. A psychological desease that I need to heal from.